I Did a Du!

Well I did it! I completed and killed (if I don’t say so myself) my duathlon! The whole experience was awesome and I was so happy to race again.

Everything started the day before. The BF and I left Phoenix for Tucson in time to make it to packet pick up and get body marked. Unfortunately, my dear friend’s (who was putting us up for the night) mom passed away the night before and we found out on our way in the car. There were tons of people celebrating life in their own way, I chose to carb load. Mexican food was catered and I partook in beans, rice, mini chimis, costco cookes, and a couple bites of cheesecake. I ate more than I planned but I was still kinda hungry, or maybe just that I was in indulgence mode?

The next morning we woke up bright and early and made it to the course. I set up my transition area with my bike and found the run start. And by run start I mean the group of about 20 runners in one area waiting for a count down to begin our run. The first run was measured incorrectly and was supposed to be 3.1 miles but my Garmin clocked me in at 1.8. Still I averaged 10:09 min miles so I was happy and everyone else ran the same course so it all worked out.

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The bike was torture. It was 20k out and back and the first half was a uphill gradient, with hills, into some very strong wind. I almost turned around. I had not trained with hills or wind and I thought I was going to die. Also the course wasn’t marked and it was open road. There were a couple spots where we didn’t know where to turn and even though I didn’t go the wrong way I met some people who did and were upset that their time incorporated them going off course. The downhill was fun though and my average pace was 20 mph vs. a very slow uphill of around 11 mph.

I slowed down for the second run and chewed some energy chews at this point. They extended the second run to 3.4 miles and I ran that pretty confidently with a 12:34 min mile pace. I was just so happy to be off the bike! All and all I finished in under 2 hours, which was my goal. I probably wouldn’t have done it had the organizers had the correct distance but their fault and my gain :). My friend Paula and I completed the race but not together.

wpid-20140913_090205.jpgAll in all I liked the format and I’m ready to race again! Now I’m glad I signed up for a half in November. I’m definitely motivated! Maybe it’s because I celebrated with pretzels, nacho cheese and beer?

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Speaking of beer, my tracker shows me 13 days with out a binge :) I did have some drunk eating last weekend but it consisted of a couple unnecessary but still within my calorie limit wheat thins, cream cheese, and jam. Not a binge :) I’m crediting this to my cutting out liquor and sticking to beer. I don’t get as tipsy on beer and make better decisions. It also doesn’t taste as good to me and fills me up so I drink less and am more full. I miss vodka though. I like letting loose, but I know that this is where I am right now and the only other option is to cut out alcohol completely and that makes me even more sad.

In things that don’t make me sad, I’ve maintained my weight and gained a lot of body acceptance in the past couple weeks. I’ve never really been that happy with my body but recently I’ve been ok with it and really haven’t cared about weight loss. I mean yeah I’d like to be about 7 lbs less but I’m definitely not it any rush to get there. I’m more proud of my fitness accomplishments right now and focused on that. Maybe it’s because bathing suit weather is almost over ;)

Back to Blogging

Hello all!

I’ve been absent for a while. First it was just a couple days then a week and then I felt like I really needed something to happen worthy of a good post to start blogging again. Well that didn’t happen so I just decided to man up and start writing again.

The past few weeks have been ups and downs with weight, drinking, a couple binges, work outs and work in general but all in all it’s just been life. I started a binge free tracker on my phone since my last binge and it’s a nice little reminder of where I want to be, one day at a time.

I’ve had some pretty good eats lately and the recipe of the week is horseradish mustard egg salad. Recipe to follow next week.

Work outs have actually been pretty good lately and I’m just doing some light work outs, runs and bikes this week to prep for the dualthon this weekend. I’m so excited for my race!

Weight has stayed the same, like exactly the same, and I’m more or less ok with that. I’ve been weighing myself every day again but it doesn’t seem to be having a negative effect on me so I’m just gonna keep rolling with it, or running with it ;)

I went to bed hungry last night, like stomach growling hungry. But my food had reached my “weight loss” calorie limit for the day and I knew I had a big big bowl of veggies in my belly. I woke up not so hungry but felt like I should eat. I decided to wait until after my run since that would still be within an hour of waking. I’m glad I waited because I knew exactly what I wanted when I was done with my run and made a runny egg sandwich.

No picture because I wasn’t planning on blogging today, but there is no time like the present. I’ll just leave you with the image of runny egg dripping down my work pants as I stand and eat my egg sandwich in the kitchen. This poor messy girl is hopeless.

Good to be back!

The Give It A Rest Diet Plan

So for the past 3 weeks I’ve been pushing myself. This is good because you never know what you can accomplish unless you push yourself. But this also is a double edged sword for me because I tend to get burned out fast. I’ve evaluated my goals, my happiness, my fitness, and my commitments and here are my random thoughts.

Goals:

- I want to lose weight and at least be in the 150, ultimately the 140s. I know being a certain weight shouldn’t matter if I’m comfortable with my body but I’m not and I remember when I was and I weighed that much.

- I want to run faster. I’ve really slowed down since I’ve put on weight and yet another reason I want to lose weight. To get back to my training pace of 11 minute miles, or faster.

- I want to PR a half marathon before summer of next year. I set this goal when marathon season ended last year and before I got slow but it’s still in the back of my mind.

Happiness:

- I’m happy when I can eat highly caloric foods and not worry about what it’s doing to my body. Not that I need to do this all the time but it is a vast improvement from where I was 6 months ago.

- I’m happy when I create balanced and tasty meals that I can feel better by eating.

- I’m happy when I have a good week with workouts and meet all my work out goals. The catch 22 with this is that not meeting my work out goals makes me frustrated and less confident that I’ll be able to bounce back.

- I’m happy when I allow myself rest. I’ve come to realize I can’t do it all. Event though I love exercise I can’t walk the dog, go for runs with the other dog, bike 3 times a week, go to yoga once a week, go to dance class once a week, practice hitting with the BF and every other form of exercise I want to to at any given time.

Fitness:

- I’m proud of my mileage I’ve built up and I would love to maintain that.

- I’m happy to have started strength training at night again and I can tell by my sore muscles that this is something I need to maintain as well.

- I’m proud of my sprint workouts as well, they are improving with each run and it’s always exciting to see the progress.

Commitments:

- I’ve committed to not drinking in situations that would lead to a binge. That pretty much means no drinking either at home or if I am going home for the evening. This imperative to my losing weight and stopping the binging habit and is my biggest committment yet.

- I’ve committed to a duathlon in 3 weeks. I’m confident I can complete it but not at the pace I had originally thought I would. I think I’m ok with that and would just be happy to finish with a moderate time.

- I’ve committed to the RnR 1/2 marathon in January. I technically even starting from scratch could start that training in November so I still have a ways to go before I need to be in a structured training plan.

- I wanted to run another 1/2 in November, December, February, and March but haven’t committed. I’m considering running all of those races at the 10k distance.

From all this contemplation I’ve determined that my main goal right now is to lose weight. Not in the sense that I want to be a supermodel but in the sense that I want to gain my confidence back. I’ve gone back to weighing and tracking because I feel like I need to be more aware of my total calorie consumption and not going over what is necessary for me to lose weight. If the tracking becomes obsessive again though I will stop immediately because my mental health is 8 million times more important that any pant size.

I’ve also decided to incorporate rest days along with weight loss. So for example today I weighed in and I lost weight so I went back to bed and let myself enjoy some more sleep. I know I can’t do this every day because exercise is important for strength and my mental health too so tomorrow I will wake up and exercise. I will most likely run, but if I don’t feel like it then I will bike or take the dogs for a walk. I will probably also keep my long run days on Sunday and my dedicated day of rest on Monday, assuming I did my long run ;).

So potentially I could be resting every other day but since I have some time to buy until the end of September when I would need to start a 1/2 or 10K training plan I am going to give myself until then to focus on my eating and what kind of exercise I actually want to do.

Fortunately I always like to eat! Dinner tonight was super healthy and super yummy. Steamed tilapia, broccoli, sweet potato, and bbq sauce!

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I stayed under my calorie goal for the day and felt good over all.

Do you plan all your food and exercise or just go day by day?

Preservation Mode

Ugh after this weekend I had a hard time waking up for my run this morning.

So I woke up, tried to convince myself to get out the door with some PB&J but still didn’t want to run. I looked at the perros and decided to take them both for a walk instead. I normally take Lady for a run and Margot for a walk but they both wanted to go so we went. Then it rained! I hate the rain!

That’s how much I didn’t want to run, I would rather walk in the rain!

I don’t know what’s wrong. I’m feeling scared about my runs. Like not sure if I can do it scared. That’s what happend with my long run on Sunday and the feeling has carried over. Plus I know I’ve gained more weight and I feel bad that I’m hindering my mediocre training with more weight. 

I thought a lot about how I take advantage of my runs as an excuse to eat more and how I’ve been pushing myself pretty hard so I think I’m just going to chill for now. I know I’ve worked hard to build up my mileage but I just don’t think I’m ready to push myself past this hurdle. I don’t know, tomorrow is a dread-mill work out. But I’ve been enjoying those so I’ll probably keep that and then do another walk with the dogs on Thursday.

I’m in preservation mode at this point. Preserving with veggies and cheese…

wpid-20140819_190737.jpgThis dinner concoction is fresh green beans, frozen cauliflower and broccoli, 1/2 a frozen lean cuisine, and 2 slices of sargento cheddar cheese. Also I dumped about 2 tablespoons of pepper into the pot while I was steaming the veggies but it turned out ok. Guess I’m immune to pepper, but not bad dinners.

Do you chose an alternate workout when you’re demotivated or do you just chuck it all together?

A Birthday Re-Cap And Sober Fail

Sooo I thought that if I wrote a blog pre-birthday to talk myself up that I would totally be able to do birthday sober and be happy with it. Well I wasn’t I was really really really unhappy on Friday. We went to a bar, in retrospect I guess going to a bar for my birthday when I was trying to be sober was a bad idea. As I mentioned I was unhappy and I wasn’t happy until I let down my guard and let myself drink.

Part of me thought I was having an alcoholic tendency for wanting to drink alcohol and caving into the urge. The other part of me was proud of being 19 days sober and thought it was my birthday and I should allow myself to do what I wanted, in this case drink alcohol. I had 5 drinks total including 3 shots and 2 drinks. Nothing crazy in terms of my usual drinking. But I binged when I got home. On 1/2 a box of triscuits and 1/2 a block of cheese, and rice and goulash to be exact.

And I didn’t wake up to go on my bike ride the next morning. I wasn’t sure how I was feeling the next morning. I was happy I was able to let lose and have fun for a night but I was upset that I still binged and missed my workout. I wanted to keep drinking. There was a little part of me that thought, oh well just make a weekend of it. But I didn’t, I just met my BFF at the pool and enjoyed a bagel with cream cheese, a calorific iced coffee, and a big birthday chocolate chip cookie. I went home and hung out with the BF and made a playlist for my run on Sunday and that was about it.

Sunday I missed my long run. I had a dream that there was something wrong with my knees and I was scared to run when I woke up because they felt funny. Probably just my mind playing tricks on me. So I ate a small breakfast burrito and went to go hit with the bf. Around 1 pm we went to a friends pool party and I had some chips and two dips and veggies and 2 servings of lemon blueberry cake. But I was unhappy again. I wanted to drink. Everyone else was drinking. But I was gonna run when we got home. But I didn’t want to run, I wanted to drink. I caved again. I had two beers at the party.

That seems ok and reasonable but it goes down hill from here. I had 4 more beers at home, a slice of pizza and two wings, a 100 calorie bag of popcorn, 1/4th the big cookie, and the other 1/2 the block of cheese. I even thought to myself that I would make myself throw up. But I didn’t want to be that person.

So that being said I’m breaking this post into things I would keep and things I would change.

Keep – drinking at the bar and having fun playing games and meeting new people

Change – coming home and eating

Keep – Yummy breakfast treats and sugary coffee drinks as a birthday treat

Keep – Pool day with my BFF no drinks needed or wanted to have a good day

Change – Wake up for workouts

Change – Not drink on Sunday

Change – Not drink at home

Change – Not binge eat

Overall, I would have kept the one night of drinking and the one special treat but everything else was just excuses and bad habits coming back.

Oh well, onward and upward.

There Are No Calories On Your Birthday

Did you know that? There are no calories on your birthday! So today’s eats were all about what did I want to eat?

I wanted a peanut butter and jelly waffle before my five miler this morning!

wpid-20140815_052341.jpgI have so much equipment when I run. It gets even worse in the winter time with lights and mace and gloves, etc.

Also, I have been craving some PB2 and/or cashew butter for a couple weeks now. I think a trip to Trader Joe’s or Sprouts is in order.

It’s donut Friday! This is a coconut cream and it was good, but I still love my beloved blueberry or apple fritter.

wpid-20140815_080643.jpgLunch was the same tuna sandwich I’ve been eating all week and a granny smith apple, picture forgotten.

I know what’s for dinner. It’s going to be epic. But my co-worker brought in Klondike bars for my birthday. I didn’t eat it right away but saved it. Then I got a craving for something sweet. All I could think about was the ice cream. I went back and forth to determine if I was intuitive eating or not, if I was hungry or not, should I eat the bar or not. But after a couple minutes I realized today is not the day for emotional struggles about food. I didn’t eat it when he gave it to me because I wasn’t hungry for it then but I was hungry for it now. Ice cream eaten.

wpid-20140815_150848.jpgNow only an hour and a half more of work before birthday night can commence!

Do you stress about food on a daily or hourly basis?

I’m a lot better than I used to be but I’ve got a long way to go.

Sober Birthday

Tomorrow is my birthday!! I love birthdays, especially mine :) But I am a little nervous about the whole sober thing.

I thought it over many times and thought about if I wanted to drink or not on my birthday and if I thought I could commit to not drinking if I said I would.

I decided that I want to be sober this weekend and that since this is what I wanted that I could keep this commitment to myself. If I thought I didn’t whole heartedly want this or that I was just setting myself up for failure then I wouldn’t do it.

But I’m still nervous, I mean yikes! I haven’t had a sober birthday since I was a senior in high school! It will be good though and I’m excited too. I have some good me time planned.

I’m also not worried about gaining weight or binge eating or anything else. I’m just going to enjoy my eats, I have a treat planned for every day! Friday is nachos for dinner. Saturday is pancakes for breakfast. Sunday is fro-yo on the way home from my run and hitting. It’s going to be a great weekend.

I tried to manage the rest of today’s eats and I chugged tea like it was my job to keep me from getting emotional.

Lunch was another tuna melt.

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The sugar free snack pack was just the right amount of chocolate to ward off the vending machine cat calls at 4 pm.

Dinner was the last of the mushy fried rice and a muller corner yogurt with chocolate and cherry. It’s the first one I actually really liked.

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Now it’s getting late and I have to get up early for a birthday five miler :)